Jeremy Clarkson rushed to hospital in 'painful' ordeal days after calling NHS a 'monster'

Not long after penning a blistering attack on the NHS, where he alleged that numerous overseas medics working in British hospitals are only here because they've been banned from practising in their native countries, Jeremy Clarkson ended up requiring hospital treatment himself.

Writing in the Sunday Times, the ex-Top Gear host refused to reveal precisely why he needed urgent medical attention, merely stating that the procedure was "Defcon 1 painful", before quipping that "they had to chisel me off the ceiling with a spatula afterwards."

Jeremy revealed that he had, for numerous years, maintained private health cover, but claimed he had grown fed up with how frequently insurers attempted to dodge paying for different treatments.

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Rather than this, he chose to consistently deposit money into a separate bank account.

Yet when Jeremy found himself desperately requiring medical attention last weekend, he was a solid two-hour journey from the closest private medical facility.

This meant he would be entering an NHS hospital mere hours after his piece branding the health service a "creaking old monster" had gone to print.

He quipped: "I had a very hot neck when I realised this and wondered if I should maybe tiptoe into the hospital in a Piers Morgan face mask."

He fretted that someone might relieve themselves into his tea as an act of revenge, if not actually inflict physical harm upon him.

Nevertheless, the NHS staff proved to be the epitome of professionalism and he left the hospital the next morning none the worse for his ordeal: "It was OK," he said, "I've slept in way worse hotels."

Despite having criticised the health service in his column, Jeremy says he had no grumbles about the care he received: "I genuinely couldn't find anything to moan about at all. The doctors, the nurses and everyone I met were kind. It was all spotless. Lunch was kids' food-brilliant, and they even made me better - for which I shall be eternally grateful."

Yet Jeremy still insists that the NHS is simply unaffordable at its present scale, and cautions that the chancellor will be compelled to hike taxes to prop it up: "Rachel Reeves is going to have to fleece absolutely everyone for more cash," he forecast.

"She came for the farmers last time around. This time, I wouldn't be surprised if she came after your children's pocket money. And of course, she'll tell us she needs more money for the NHS."

He reeled off a string of things that could be outlawed to ease the burden on the health service, including tanning salons, wood-burning stoves, and meat. He also argues that the NHS needs a radical overhaul, if not complete dissolution: "It's an excellent organisation and the frontline staff are superb," he pens.

"But in its current state, we as a nation cannot afford it."